Bacon! This lardaceous treat is not just for breakfast anymore. You'll find this portly provision at breakfast, brunch, lunch, dunch, linner, dinner, dessert, hell even 4th meal (the smartest marketing idea any restaurant has ever concocted. "We're not selling enough mud butt inducing burritos". "Oh, I know! Let's spawn the redonkculous campaign that tells our already pudgy patrons that 3 meals in one day simply isn't cutting it for them any more.")
Shit! Sorry, I was sidetracked, back to the fatback... Bacon has been used to create practically every product known to man. Close your eyes and let your mind wander toward a product that would never have had bacon anywhere in its ingredients or construction. Umm... ok now open them. What's the first thing that popped into your mind? If it was bacon flavored baby formula you're a day late and a dollar short son. "Bacon Baby" is actually on the market and contains a nutritious 4, yes 4 fucking servings of bacon in every scoop of formula. Mmmm baby likey.
Fuck your arteries! Fuck them good and hard for not standing a chance against all the goodies now being made with bacon. Here's a short list of real products now made better with the artery hardening, scrumdiddlyumptous, jiggle of bacon. Enjoy.
- Bacon Salt (What else would you put on a matzo ball)
- Bacon lip balm
- Baconnaise (Just threw up a little bit in my mouth thinking about this one)
- Bacon gum
- Bacon toothpicks
- Bacon Mints
- Bacon Floss
- Bacon soap (Hello ladies, why yes I do scrub my down belows with bacon. Would you care for a taste?)
- Bacon ice cream
- Bacon lube (My bed would smell like a Denny's)
- Deep fried bacon wrapped Twinkies (This sounds like carney fair food to me)
- Kevin Bacon
Deliciously Yours,
.Stinky Britches.
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